Online Sexual Fantasies and Long Distance Cheating

A few days ago I had a long online chat with a woman I have known only via the Internet for about two years. During that time we only communicated by messages and by making sometimes flirtatious comments on our web pages. We wrote a lot about our families, what was going on in our lives. We got to know each other pretty well — the good and the bad. We became real friends — to whatever degree the term “real” can apply to an online relationship.

During the past few months, however, the communications have become more sexual in nature. She started sending me pictures of herself in various seductive poses; I would talk about some of my recent and not-so-recent sexual encounters — names changed to protect the guilty, of course!

For weeks she had been trying to get me to call her, which I was reluctant to do. Eventually, though, we ended up in a long online chat, a first for us. It quickly turned into a sexual ritual, that special erotic dance men and women do before they get down to the serious stuff. As the flirtatious dance got more serious, she hit me with a question I wasn’t expecting and which I answered with all the sensitivity of a 10-year-old.

She asked me if I ever had sexual fantasies about her. I told her, “No,” I hadn’t.

OK. Big mistake, I should have been a gentleman and lied and said “sometimes” or even an evasive, “Well, who wouldn’t, you sexy thing!” Instead, I just blurted out the truth. “No.”

In addition to just being stupid, there were two other reasons for my klutzy response. First, she is a married woman with several kids, into her second marriage now and I am single, and second we live well over a thousand miles apart. However things might evolve, the likelihood of our relationship becoming more than just an Internet sex fantasy seemed remote.

For myself, my marital status — single — means that I can still have guilt-free, real relationships with available single women. Not that I do that often, but that’s the theory anyway. Even online sexual flirtations with other single women have a different dimension. No one is cheating on anyone else. Done right, no one should come out of an online affair hurting anyone else.

In her case, her fantasy of me is not real, she is not available, and it has the potential of damaging her marriage. I can hear the Greek Chorus out there saying, “What business is it of yours, Sky? If the woman wants to have long distance fantasies, that’s her choice. Just go with the flow and have some fun!”

From what she has told me, her husband — who travels a lot — has no idea that she is online looking for sexual encounters with strangers like me. I guess the question, to put it in its crudest form, is whether there’s something wrong if she gets her sexual release with strange men like me and her husband doesn’t know about it? Unless she decides to tell her husband, I am part of a deception that could possible destroy her marriage. I know enough about her to understand that the foundation of her relationship with Hubby is not all that strong to begin with — otherwise, why flirt with me? Getting caught in an online affair could possibly have dire consequences for her and her children. Do I want to be responsible for that?

I think the topic raises two important issues: the issue of honesty with your partner, and the openness with which partners can discuss their sexual fantasies.

Should you tell your partner that you have these kinds of fantasies and online relationships?

My reaction is, “No.” Most people simply are not secure enough in themselves and in their relationships to hear about their partner participating some kind of cyber-fuck with other people. If you say you are having sexual fantasies about another man, most men are going to get very pissed about it. We don’t like having competition we can’t punch out in a face-to-face confrontation.

If the roles were reversed and a guy tells his partner that he’s got this hot, online chick that can really turn him on, most women are not likely to welcome the news. Most will be jealous as hell and insist on knowing all the sordid details. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn’t rip out your Internet cable connection and smash your lovely LCD computer screen.

All these new ways of “getting it on” do not change human nature.

Consider, also, the likelihood that your online fantasy lover will find his or her way into the family bed. So there you are trying to make love to your lifetime partner and in the back of your mind is some delicious-looking lady you have been chatting with online. What then? Do you tell your partner?

A Web MD article recently looked at the pros and cons of admitting these fantasies:

One good reason to remain mum, says Barbara Bartlik, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University, is that the majority of people in long-term, fulfilling sexual relationships do not necessarily think about their partner when they’re at the height of sexual passion. But even though both partners might routinely think of something other than each other, revealing this may result in hurt feelings.

That’s putting it lightly. An additional problem with online fantasies is that they are not just fantasies — often they involve each partner masturbating while the phone call or chat proceeds to more erotic subjects. The basic rule of ethical behavior is that you can think what you want, but once your thoughts are turned into action, then an important ethical and moral line has been crossed. Assuming one of us is already in a relationship, do I actually have to be in your bed, making love to you, before our act can be considered “cheating”?

The other side of this argument might be — and perhaps in the case of my friend — that by having these online sexual trysts she is in fact saving her marriage. She is less likely to have a “real” affair with some Bozo in the house or condo next door. On the “cheating scale,” I guess that is true: long-distance, online affairs are neater, easier to hide, usually easier to end, and — like so much of our imaginary cyber-lives — it doesn’t seem completely real.

There are various ways of spending free time or holidays regardless where you are. The entertainment can be different depending on what you choose. Bahrain call girls are what can make your time unforgettable.

Sex Education And Children

The beginnings of sexual awareness

“Daddy, why is the sky blue?” “Mummy, where does the sun go at night?” And then suddenly, like a bolt from the blue – “Mummy, where do babies come from?” This question usually leaves parents squirming with embarrassment and trying to pass the buck to the other parent. Teaching children the facts of life, telling them about the birds and the bees, is something that most parents are not very comfortable with. Actually, this is a very narrow view of sex education. It is not just about having an embarrassing, private talk with your child or giving them a book or their being given a lecture in school complete with diagrams. Sex does not begin and end with intercourse. Intercourse could be said to be the most intimate way in which men and women relate to each other. However, it is merely one aspect of the relationship between men and women. In fact, children are learning about sexuality from the time they can spot the difference between boys and girls. They also get cues from the different ways in which parents relate to sons and daughters and the way in which parents interact with each other. Thus, children whose parents have a bad marriage will find it very difficult to contemplate that sexual intercourse is built on love and mutual respect.

“Where do babies come from?”

Parents can expect the ‘dreaded’ question about the origins of babies around the age of three. The question stems from natural curiosity. Parents should keep in mind that a three-year-old’s level of understanding is quite simplistic. The child is too young to understand the concept of sexuality. The child will probably be satisfied if the mother says that the baby grows in a special place in her body called the uterus or womb and comes out after nine months. The next question is probably going to be – “How did the baby get in?” The only way a child is aware of about how things get in is through eating. Thus, a simple answer explaining that the baby grows from a tiny seed implanted in the uterus should suffice. If children want to know the father’s role in the process, mothers can explain that the father put the seed inside the mother. As for how the babies get out, children can be told that once the baby has grown enough inside the mother it comes out from a special opening called the vagina. It may be a good idea to specify that this opening is different from those for urination and defecation.

Sex education is something that happens in stages. A three-year-old child might be satisfied when he is simply told that the father provides the seed that grows into a baby. However, by the time he is five, he might want to know how exactly it got there. Here again, parents should remember to keep it simple. After all, he is only five. Explain to him that the seed comes out of the father’s penis and is deposited in the uterus where the baby will grow for the next nine months.

Some children don’t bring up the topic at all. Parents of such children assume that their children are particularly innocent. But in all likelihood, parents of these children have made them feel, probably unintentionally, that the question of how babies are made is somehow taboo and not open to discussion. Such parents should keep their ears open for indirect questions, hints and jokes that indicate that the child is curious but afraid to ask a direct question. For instance, a little boy may constantly poke fun at his pregnant mother saying that she is fat or a little girl may ask her mother how their dog had puppies. Parents should realize that their children are diffident about asking them questions directly and seize these opportunities to explain a little bit about human reproduction.

Some parents prefer fiction to fact when discussing sex with their children. A common euphemism used by parents is that a stork or an angel brought the baby. Such stories tend to backfire because the child can see the evidence of the baby growing in his mother’s stomach every day. The child immediately senses that his parents are being evasive about the issue and he is bound to find out the truth sooner or later. Parents are in danger of losing his trust because he is not sure when they might chose to lie or tell him half-truths again. In addition, the question of how babies are made acquires considerable significance highlighted by the parent’s nervous and sheepish approach. He gets the message that the topic is something to be embarrassed about. Another outcome of this approach is that the child may hesitate to discuss things that bother him with his parents in the future because he is not sure of the response he will get.

Adolescents and sex

Parents who have passed the “where do babies come from?” stage usually heave a sigh of relief, thinking that’s the end of that. But the topic of sex is bound to rear its head once again when their children hit puberty. This is the stage in life when girl’s breasts begin to develop, their hips widen and they begin to menstruate. Boys see an increase in body hair, their voices crack, their penises and testicles grow and they begin to have nocturnal emissions or “wet dreams.” Suddenly sons and daughters become impossible to cope with. They are constantly touchy and irritable, they seem to glory in being contrary and love playing the rebel. This is the stage when most parents wish their children were babies again.

Most adolescents become very conscious and sensitive about the way they look and the changes in their bodies. Parents need to help their children adjust to their sexually maturing and changing bodies. This is the stage in life when children need to be informed about sexuality, the sexual act and its consequences. Some teenagers may bring up the topic themselves directly or indirectly. Sometimes parents may have to take the initiative to broach the subject. If as a parent, one is diffident about discussing such a private topic with one’s child, tell him or her the way you feel. This will serve to put both parent and child at ease.

Menstruation

Menstruation marks the onset of puberty in girls. Sometimes girls begin to menstruate before they have been told or are aware of what it means. One can only imagine how a young girl feels when she discovers that she is bleeding and has no idea what is happening. That is why it is essential that mothers discuss menstruation and its implications with their daughters around the time they expect the girls to begin menstruating. The tone that mothers take when talking about menstruation will affect their daughters’ attitudes to it. Some mothers describe it as a curse; some mothers are embarrassed and use ‘code words’ to refer to it, others emphasize that this is a ‘delicate’ period for women. The fact is that menstruation is a normal bodily process and does not in any way prevent a woman from carrying on with her daily routine. While some women do experience cramps, a bloated feeling and tender breasts, these symptoms are rarely severe enough to bring life to a standstill. When a girl is on the threshold of womanhood she should not be feeling scared, embarrassed or resentful. Mothers should give their daughters the impression that menstruation is a rite of passage, a part of growing up and something to be looked forward to.

Nocturnal emissions

Once boys have reached the age of puberty, they begin to get erections and nocturnal emissions. It is important that they realize that this is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Nocturnal emissions or “wet dreams” are the result of the ejaculation of semen during sleep often caused by a dream of a sexual nature. They may also have strong urges to masturbate. All this is perfectly natural. Parents should be careful that they do not give their sons or daughters the feeling that masturbation and erotic dreams are “dirty” or unnatural. The more matter-of-fact parents are about it, the more healthy their children’s attitudes will be towards it.

It’s not just physical

It is important that children are made to understand the emotional aspects of sex. Thus, while most schools usually organize a lecture on the topic, these talks tend to be quite clinical and impersonal and confine themselves to the physicality of sex. Teenagers need to understand that the decision to become sexually active should not be a casual one. A person’s first sexual experience is an event of great personal significance and should happen when he or she is ready for it. Parents should explain to their children that they may be attracted to several people in their lives, some may be mere infatuations while others may develop into long-term relationships. Teenagers should realize that their bodies are their own to do with as they see fit, according to their desires and after exercising sound judgement. However, they should never have sex or engage in any other form of physical contact under pressure from another person, or to please someone else. There is a common misconception among parents that open communication about sexual feelings and the sexual act will have the effect of increasing the likelihood of young people becoming sexually active. On the contrary, parents who discuss sex openly, in a natural manner, are merely equipping their children with the requisite knowledge so that whenever they decide that they are ready to become sexually active, they will be making an informed decision and understand its consequences. Many children go through life with warped ideas about sex merely because their parents were too embarrassed to talk about it. Such children are left to gather information piecemeal from friends, books and the media and the conclusions they draw need not necessarily be the right ones.

When Enough Sex Is Not Enough

What can cause the differences in sex drive in a relationship? How to cope when your partner wants more or less sex than you? Read on!

What causes different sex drives?

(1) Relationship problems

This can be due to differences on matters such as who should contribute more to household expenses and who should pay for which item, child rearing and relationship with in-laws. When couples cannot resolve conflicts over these matters, one of them will bear a grudge against the other one. This pent-up anger can cause the aggrieved side to lose sexual interest on his/her partner. This can also lead to him/her to withhold sex to punish his/her partner.

(2) Inadequate knowledge about sex

If one or both of you are raised in societies where there is no sex education or where sex is a taboo topic being negatively viewed as something dirty or immoral, this can prevent you from looking for ways to enrich and spice up your sex life. You or your spouse may think that sex is meant only for procreation and cannot see any connection between sex and pleasure.

(3) Psychological issues

Stress over work or child rearing, performance anxiety, lack of sexual confidence, past histories of sexual abuse, physical or mental ailments, drug abuse, medication (drugs such as those prescribe for hypertension can hurt sexual desire) leaving either one of you to lose interest in sex.

(4) Differences in the way you and your spouse look at sex

You and your partner may have different baseline sex drives and/or may prioritize sex differently. This may not be any serious relationship problems, only mere differences in the way how each side thinks about sex.

(5) Not enough passion

Absence makes the heart grows fonder. Not giving enough space to each other in daily life, with both sides sticking to each other like a piece of chewing gum can be stifling and hurt passion in the long run. The pressures and expectations we put on our intimate relationships may kill the passion in lovemaking.

How to cope with different level of sexual desire?

(1) Avoid blaming your partner

It is always very easy to blame others when problems crop up. This can only cause your spouse to get defensive and discourage him/her from working together with you to come up with solutions. Even if you feel most of the problems lie with your partner, it is better to find out what are the causes and how they arise.

(2) Talking to your partner

When relationship problems surface, it is best to find the space and time to talk to your partner. If you do not talk to your partner, you will not be able to discover the roots of the problems and he/she may not be aware of the existence of problems or your concerns. Before talking to your spouse, make sure you think before you talk, avoid putting the blame on him/her, begin your statements with “I” such as, “I think…..” or “I am concern about……..” and always remember to listen. However if the situation deteriorates to the point where both of you cannot talk to each other without ending up in arguments, you will have to find a counselor or therapist.

(3) Working towards a compromise

It is very unrealistic to expect everything to go according to the way you want. A relationship is a series of constant adjustment to each other and involving a lot of give and take. Finding sexual compromise is much easier when you lay down all the options on the table for both sides to work out the differences in sexual desire.

(4) Looking for self-help resources

There are many books you can find in book shops, libraries or online that touch on issues like sex drive discrepancies in a long-term relationship. Some of them may have titles such as Dealing With A Sexless Marriage. This is a viable option before you consider seeing a counselor or a family therapist.

More tips for handling different sex drives in a relationship can be found by clicking on Online Sex Guide and Sexual Chemistry.

Have You Considered Using Sex Dolls?

Ever wondered what it would be like to have a three some but too uncomfortable to actually ask or find someone that you and your partner will be comfortable with?

Sex dolls have changed over time with the first being sculpted out of ivory – the maker of whom admired his craftsmanship so much he fed her, bathed her, slept with her, and indeed put her to the use of what was to become known as a “sex doll”. Over time, sex dolls have evolved and changed both with the way they are now made, and how they look, but also the way society are more accepting of them.

Love dolls vary in price ultimately reflecting the overall quality of the doll. The cheaper in the product price range being made of welded vinyl. These are inflated for pleasure and are the most common sex dolls and can be found in a variety of high street shops.

Following on from these and moving up in price are sex dolls made from a heavier latex. These dolls follow the same design as a mannequin and have properly moulded hands and feet, glass eyes, and usually wigs too. Some of these dolls contain water filled breasts and buttocks, although this is at the top end of this price band. These dolls can be personalised with a variety of clothing, make up and wigs personal to your own taste.

The love dolls at the top end of the price banding are made from silicone and are much more life-like. They are made with a skin like material, to make the experience that much more personal. These dolls can be modelled on real men and women with some even being custom made or made to look like celebrities. They have real hair and a flexible skeletal structure making it easy to achieve many different sexual positions, both for acts and display.

Both the mid and higher price ranged dolls become more specialised and therefore you will not find them in common high street shops. When buying these dolls you need to be sure of the quality. Use a trusted online sex shop that also offers other sexual products such as condoms to aid with the sex doll or your personal sex life.

Sex dolls add huge excitement to your sex life, whether you chose to use them alone, or with another person or people, but best of all they can be used to fulfil all sexual wants, needs and fantasies. For an even more explosive experience, why not surprise your partner with a safe and new outlet to un-cage your deepest fantasies and role play… be creative… add sexy lingerie, dildos, and even vibrators to help enhance your experience and guarantee you a night you wont want to end…

For more information on the variety of sex dolls available, visit the Sinful Sensations website, who supply condoms free of charge with many sex dolls.

Open Source Sex Stores Under Threat?

There is some serious stuff going on right now; global warming, economic recession, changes in business, e-commerce, politics etc.

What direction is this change in economics heading? No one really knows, or, maybe people know but just don’t want to talk about it. What you do one day could completely change the next day- or the future tasks for that matter.

A big concern right now that we should all acknowledge are the political laws being processed, such as Bill C61 in Canada. For those who don’t know what it is, it is a Copyright law similar to the Copyright Act bill in the United States. It’s extremely complicated- only some lawyers truly understand it, however it basically will try to eliminate P2P Sharing and ban Open Source media. This could be very damaging since there is so much sharing and open source Online.

What the government wants to do is slow down and regulate traffic on most open source sites and even ban them. While doing this, they want to speed up traffic on corporate websites. If this law is passed, what then?

What I’m really curious about is what kind of effects this will have on Internet marketing. Will web pages containing nonsense be eliminated? Will the corporate world seize all of the information they need to market us more useless products?

Some of these questions come to mind and I think to myself, “I deal with Sex Toys for an Online Sex Shop, will I be losing my job anytime soon if this law is passed?” What about all those other dudes sitting and working 9-5 in an office for Web-based shops? The Internet offers us all kinds of wonderful things. One of the best things is free information. We can Google anything and find whatever we want to know. Now, if websites like this are being regulated, we might have to go back to the library to find information.

The other day I went to find information on increasing my penis size- if that’s even possible. Thanks to the Internet, I came across a Penis Extender. The web pages has sub-pages in which I can get all the information I need. I figured looking into the Penis Stretcher wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Now when I think of it, if there are all these new products coming out, and no valid sources to look up background information- How the hell are people supposed to learn these things?

This isn’t the only thing that’s going bonkers. This Economic Recession is taking a toll on many businesses. All the baby-boomers are extending their retirement because business is doing so bad. The only good thing about this is all the new jobs open for the next generation. However, there aren’t enough people to fill up these jobs. The other good thing is that smaller companies are doing much better. The Online Sex Stores are getting much better business. Who knows, maybe this turnover might go against big corporations- allowing smaller businesses to rise up again. However, this is highly unlikely.

The Secrets Of Great Sex

How often do you have sex with your partner? Do you feel bored in your relationship? One important finding from a survey done by the University of Michigan on 123 married couples, who have been married for 7 years, is that being bored in the relationship led to less closeness which in turn brings about reduced satisfaction in the marriage. So how can you keep things exciting and improve sexual intimacy in your relationship especially when career and family responsibilities wear you down?

Here are some ways to improve intimacy and keep sex exciting in your relationship:

(1) Recognize that sex is not all the time perfect

You have to face the fact. At times your sex life may not be up to your expectation and satisfaction probably due to stress and heavy family responsibilities. That is perfectly normal and it does not mean the end of the world. Sexuality like the tide of the sea ebbs and flows. It is better to accept this as a natural fact of life so that you will not get overly concerned about a possible crisis in your relationship.

(2) Talk and listen to each regularly

Even if both of you have been together for a long time in your relationship does not mean neither one of you can read each other’s minds perfectly. Therefore you have to talk to each other about your likes, dislikes, fears and concerns on sexual and non-sexual matters. Sex gets better with intimacy and improved communication. Besides talking, effective communication also requires the patience to listen to each other. Sometimes your partner only needs to vent his/her own emotions. He/she does not need you to fix his/her problems but just to listen and show you care.

(3) Never stop discovering and exploring each other

You should not assume that you know everything about your partner. Getting involved in what your partner is doing and spending time together (e.g. having a date night once a week) can help you to discover or uncover certain not-so-obvious aspects of your partner. Talking and understanding each other’s sexuality will help you to learn new things about your partner’s body and personality and lead you to discover the kinds of touch that arouse him/her a lot and the types of sex positions that bring her to orgasm quickly.

(4) Keep an open mind and be willing to experiment

Be adventurous in bed and out of bed. Take a trip to a lingerie store, step out of yourself and try to be someone or something else for the evening (role play). Dress up and play sexy games with your partner or introduce sex toys during lovemaking. Try watching an adult movie with your partner to learn some new moves. Go and see a stand-up comedy, go for hiking or horseback riding, watch live music, try new and exotic food and take dance classes together. Go and do the things you have not done before. This will show your partner how much you care. You will be surprised at how much your partner will appreciate you for considering their needs and desires. This will also help to relieve stress and boredom in your relationship and allows you to grow together at the same time.

(5) Remember that there are no hard and fast rules on matters about sex

Making love is not just about mastering the mechanical aspects of sexual techniques. You can pick up a lovemaking manual or read from the online sex guide to learn about the various techniques or sex positions. But sexuality is very personal and every woman has different sexual preferences. Before you unleash your newly acquired sexual knowledge you need to pay attention to the erotic messages behind her various body reactions to your touch and to tailor-made your moves to her individual needs. The goals like what you and your partner would like to get out of having sex and how often do you want to make love will probably change over time and no sex guide can give you any specific guidance on this matter. If you and your partner are happy with having sex once a week or once a month, then that is perfectly fine. There is no connection between sexual frequency and your sexual happiness. But if one of you wants more or less sex than the other, then you have to work things out together. It is normal to have different level of sex drives in a relationship and you should not get overly concerned and bind yourself to some commonly held thoughts.

The Double Life of Sex Addiction

Sex addicts are just like you and I, with the exception that they are struggling with a disorder that is gradually consuming more and more of their lives. Because sex addiction causes addicts to continually increase and escalate their sexually compulsive behaviors, they begin to lead double lives. They lead their normal life the best they can and live every moment of the day for their addictive life. Over time the normal life will unravel as the addictive life consumes more and more of time and energy.

For addicts, this issue is a deep, haunting secret. They live in constant fear of being caught. Tension, anxiety and stress built up as a result of having to live a secret double life. The compulsion to engage in sexual behaviors becomes more and more time consuming and the addict finds that he has to constantly escalate his behaviors just to achieve a sense of normalcy in his life. Along with a deteriorating emotional state, many addicts suffer from severe consequences as a result of their double life.

Relationships suffer as a result of this addiction. When a sex addict is living a double life, he tends to withdraw from everyone, including his spouse or life partner. This means that his relationships will suffer and in some cases become broken. The person he is in a relationship with will find it difficult to understand his change in behavior. Naturally, the addict will not be able to explain that change out of fear of revealing his double life.

Leading a double life often has serious financial implications as well. Individuals begin to neglect their responsibilities or are unable to perform well at work as a result of engaging in sexually addictive behaviors the night or morning before work. In some cases, addicts may even be engaging in sexual behaviors while at work, to the detriment of their duties. All of these instances of neglect will eventually add up, and employers will be left with no choice but to terminate the person. Repeated warnings will not be enough for an addict to stop the neglectful behavior from continuing.

Another source of stress and financial burden comes from the expenses related to leading a double life as a sex addict. Just like gambling, alcohol and drug addictions, sex addiction can become quite costly. The costs of pornography, online sex chats, phone sex chat lines, prostitutes, strip clubs, adult videos and books and other sexually related goods can add up to huge debt for the sex addict. The burden of covering up these expenses combined with the looming debt will only add to the pressure the addict is experiencing while trying to keep his double life a secret.

Over time, this double life can lead to severe consequences such as divorce or loss of a house. Unfortunately, like any other addiction, the individual will need to make the decision to seek help, and it often takes serious consequences to convince a sex addict to get help. However, once the addict makes that decision, there are many effective programs that can lead him to lifelong recovery.

Free Sex Advice

Here’s some free sex advice to have a fun, enjoyable time sexually, and to become a better lover during sexual intimacy.

1. Ease the Nerves. Relax. Hugely important is to relax and enjoy the experience, rather than being nervous and not confident. This free sex advice advocates having confidence. And the best step to developing confidence is getting rid of your nerves. Easing the body and mind into an enjoyable, pleasurable experience. Get it in your mind that even if your not knowledgeable on different aspects of sexual practice, this is only one experience and there will be more opportunities to sexually explore even further.

2. Learn how to control and deal with premature ejaculation. For males one of the main problems regarding confidence during sex is premature ejaculation worries. Becoming exciting much to early and much too fast. With the right instruction, you can learn how to prevent premature ejaculation. And for females it’s important to be able to deal and help the male overcome premature ejaculation, while understanding that the problem does exist and will likely occur if the male hasn’t honed in on the problem himself.

3. Research the Basics and Learn some tricks. Just reading a few tips from a good online sex intimacy manual can greatly increase your confidence and turn you into a decent lover. There are many simple and effective techniques that can impress your partner and add whole new layers to sex. This is a good way to set yourself apart from the pack and learn a few good tips and tricks. First though, you’ll want to learn the basics in positions and maneuvering, which the same online manual will provide as well.

A Humorous Look at Spelling Foibles When Sex is On the Mind

In a hurry to find online sex stories? Forget spelling and just flail at that keyboard! Join me for a look at the 1000’s of humorous misspellings people type in every day into their search engines.

The best part of my job of working with website development is I get to use some powerful tools that provide real data on what people type into search engines like Google and Yahoo. These tools gather hundreds of millions of searches together and provide a database of all the searches the billion Internet users typed over the last 90 days. You’ve probably already heard that ‘sex’ is the #1 most frequently typed search term. Boring, who needed a computer to tell us this most obvious of facts. Let’s look at something more interesting.

Looking at the list of 1000 most popular search terms, I recently noticed that “literotica” was #22. Not bad for something I’d never heard of before. A quick search on the term reveals it’s a web site filled with erotic literature. So far, so good, but I had the sense that some fun might be at hand. I then used my web tools to tell me all the ways people misspell “literotica.” Fifty-one misspellings came back. Wow. That’s a lot of ways to misspell a 10 letter word.

The most common misspelling is “literotic”, with 939 wrong spellings a day. Not bad, this is, in fact, as logical of a name as the website’s real name, just lacking that Latinate ending of the real name. Next most common is the “I’m in a hurry” winner, “litrotica”, at 605 wrong spellings a day. Just leave that “e” out and get me there that much faster!

Perhaps many of the searchers have a certain intensity that leads to twitchy, “hit the key twice” proclivity. The next two common wrong spellings are doubled letter variations: “literrotica” (153/day) and “litterotica” (145/day).

As you progress down the list, the variations just become a jumble soup of monkeys pounding keyboards, trying to write a Shakespeare play, but instead approximating but never coming close to the real name Literotica: “literoteca”, “literoticca”, “literotice”, “leiterotica”, “luterotica”, “ltierotica”, “litertiica”, and so on!

How to Wake Up Feeling Wonderful!

The key to feeling good all day is to wake up feeling well-rested and refreshed. And the key to that top-of-the-world feeling in the morning is to get a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, sleep, like love, never seems to come when we desperately want it. But it helps to know what contributes to a full quota of those 40 winks… and what can doom you to another bout of wide-eyed wakefulness.

Here, from the experts, are well-tested tips on how to get good night’s sleep… and what to do if you don’t.

We’ll call him John, but his mornings could be uncannily like yours. As the alarm buzzer t-r-I-n-g-s into his consciousness, John stretches out a sleepy hand, depresses the button… and hits the pillow again. Most mornings he has to make three attempts before he can drag himself out of bed. After dragging himself again through the brushing-shaving-bathing-breakfast routine, he gets into his clothes without much enthusiasm or energy. When he finally does make it to his office, more often than not, he’s already feeling depressed and defeated. The work load has been piling up for weeks, and he’s just wasted a good part of another day.

Natasha could also be another ‘you’. Natasha gets up of bright and early, but she doesn’t feel bright at all. The only reason she’s up at dawn is because she has no other choice. The children have to be packed off early to school; her husband’s tiffin lunch has to be prepared. When the kids and her husband have left, Natasha, already feeling sapped and drained, stretches out on the bed to rest – and ends up actually sleeping for another hour or so.

But if John and Natasha – and you – could beat the morning blahs, the rest of your day would be more pleasant as well as more productive. The best way to begin is to make sure you get the right amount of restful sleep (what’s right varies for everybody, but is between 7 and 8 hours for most).

Develop a routine you can stick to. Your body sleep will sleep well through the night if it’s well synchronised. How do you achieve that? By keeping regular hours, rising and retiring at the same time everyday. Avoid the trap of weekend naps – sleeping till noon on Saturdays/Sundays. That will disrupt your internal clock and your sleep cycle and you’ll wind up losing more rest than you gain.

Support yourself. The wrong type of mattress or worn-out springs can result in tossing and turning – every night. When you buy your mattress, be very selective – if it’s too hard, your body could be fighting to relieve uncomfortable pressure at the shoulders and hips. Too soft, and you may be putting your spine into positions it was not designed for.

Also, remember that you need to replace your mattress/springs when they have outlived their usefulness – if they’re 8-10 years old, they’re probably not giving you the right support or comfort.

Exercise – but at the right time. Avoid really strenuous exercise right before bedtime. Instead of wearing you out, it’s more likely to invigorate your body.

Because it takes your body several hours to cool down after exercise, working out in the early evening is best – when your body temperature drops, you’ll begin to feel drowsy.

Watch what you eat. Heavy or spicy meals late in the day will make your digestive system balk during the night as your digestion is forced to work overtime.

On the other hand, a starved body can also register complaints during the night, so, don’t decide to skip dinner to make up for the mid-day snacking you indulged in.

Avoid stimulants like caffeine. Caffeine can stay in the system for many hours after your last sip of coffee, tea or cola. It’s a stimulant that can prevent restful sleep and keep you awake – so, avoid it, especially in the late evening and night. If you are especially sensitive to the effects of caffeine, drastically limit your intake at all the times. (Many over-the-counter drugs contain caffeine – and, do not forget, so does chocolate!)

Alcohol is tricky, too. While alcohol may relax you at bedtime and help you get to sleep, you may wake a few hours later with a pounding heart, a dry mouth and an aching head. And thereafter feel restless throughout the night. (Of course, one small glass of wine at dinner should not cause you any trouble).

Certain drugs can disrupt your sleep cycle. Over-the-counter cold and cough remedies, amphetamines, hypertension drugs, cardiac medications for irregular heartbeats and anti-asthma preparations can disturb your normal sleep-wake pattern. If possible, limit your use of these drugs; or consult your doctor about what you should do.

Wind down… and let go. If your body is overtaxed or your mind is tense, try these physical relaxation techniques to help you wind down for the night:

Yoga: Gentle yoga postures can ease the tensions away. Lie down and inhale to a count of five. Raise your arms over your head until they touch the mattress. Make two fists and raise your buttocks. Tense every muscle. Then just “let everything go.”

PMR (Progressive Muscle Relaxation): Starting with your toes, alternatively tense and relax your muscles in groups. Feet, legs, lower back and buttocks, upper back and chest, arms and hands, neck, head and face. Tighten each group for 5-10 seconds, then release for 15-20 seconds.

Stretch: Raise your arms backward over your head and point your toes upward. Stretch… until you’re as tall as you can possibly be. Relax.

Deep breathing: Take five deep breaths (from the diaphragm) and as you count, think, “I’m getting more relaxed, peaceful and sleepy”. Make sure you inhale and exhale very slowly.

Foot massage: Gently massage each foot, paying special attention to the soul.

And if, after all this, you still end up with an occasional ‘bad night’, then what?

Fortunately, there are other ways to make mornings work for you:

Stretch yourself awake. Begin while you are still lying in bed. Imagine that you’re a cat: stretch, reaching out with all your limbs and waking up your muscles. Bring your knees to your chest to stretch out your back.

Even after you get out of bed, give your muscles time to wake up properly. Be gentle with your body. Walk out to the balcony. Take in the early-morning sights and sounds – let nature give your senses a little nudge.

When you feel somewhat more awake, try walking around the house, swing your arms a bit, spot-jog for a few minutes, stretch a little more… By now you should be feeling definitely more alert, and ready to take on the day!

A little indulgence… gets you going a long way. To stop thinking of mornings as the worst part of the day, start the day by doing something you really enjoy. Put your favourite tune on the stereo. Take an extra-long shower, and sing right through. Tumble around with your kids. Go and admire your favourite potted plant. Read a few pages of a book you’re enjoying (yes, we know the morning newspapers are likely to make you want to go right back to the bed).

Eat breakfast. Don’t skip it. And don’t rush through two cups of coffee and imagine that’s enough to fuel your body till lunch time. It’s not. A good (not heavy, and not fat-laden) breakfast will give you a morning boost and rev you up for the day.

Make sure nothing else is bothering you. Remember John and the workload awaiting him each day in the office? Anxiety about this workload is probably a factor that keeps John awake at nights or enables him to have only is restless, fitful sleep. It’s also probably the reason he drags himself awake and then drags himself to work – whether he consciously recognises it or not, he does not want to face that growing workpile.

John should catch up with his workload – or get a new, less-demanding job. As long as he fails to confront what’s a really bothering him, he’s going to have trouble getting up.

Understand – what go along with – your own sleep-wake cycle. In Natasha’s case, the fact that her early-morning activity doesn’t wake her up, might just mean one thing – she’s an ‘owl’ (someone whose body would prefer to miss mornings but can stay in high gear till quite late in the night). ‘Owls’ are opposed to ‘larks’ – those naturally early risers. Since Natasha can run on well into the night, she should try to complete some of her early-morning chores the previous night itself – such as ironing and laying out the children’s school clothes.